Thursday, April 22, 2010

Take Your Kid to Work Day....

Is killing me. We have quite a few little kids running around here today, plus a 2nd grade class is getting a tour, and it is making me so sad. I have a hard enough time seeing my own nephews and nieces when I am having a down day, other people's kids really get to me. I have been sitting at a desk away from my department for most of the afternoon because my supervisor had his two adorable little kids here. I have known them for a while, and normally I would love to hang out and play with them, but today I just couldn't do it. Hearing kids call their Moms and Dads just gives me a jolt to the heart. I want to be called Mommy so bad, and want to hear my husband called Daddy. Just sitting there hearing this little two year old ask his Dad for candy from the machine made me start to tear up. I feel bad I missed a live update because I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs while the kids were there. Really they can handle doing an update without me, but I still got bitched out by my supervisor. I would rather take that then break down crying in front of everyone and not be able to explain why to them.

I was kinda hoping that since I am not on any fertility drugs right now the extreme emotions would go away. But then I remember that I was overly emotional before the hormones. I have been fine most of the time, but the other day the hubby and I went to a local minor league baseball game, and sitting right in front of us was this man with is three year old daughter. She was so cute, dressed head to toe in pink with a "princess" baseball cap on. She kept taking off the princess cap and putting it on top of her dad's head and then laughing like it was the funniest thing on earth. My husband leaned over and said "I love that sound, little kids laughing." I almost broke down crying right there. And ever since I have been just barely holding it together. I didn't even remember that today was take your child to work day until I walked in the door.

To top it all off I have been charting to see if I will ovulate on my own without the aide of drugs, and it is looking like I won't. I am on cd15 and there is absolutely no sign of impending ovulation. A part of me was really hoping that my body would finally take over and do something right. No such luck. This blows. I really wish I could just go home and curl up in a ball and cry for the rest of the week. Unfortunately I have these damn things called responsibilities and bills that prevent me from doing things like playing hooky.

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