Thursday, April 29, 2010

Project IF....

A lot of you may know that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I am relatively private about my fertility issues, only close family and friends know about what we are going through. But I went out on a limb this week and posted a status update about NIAW. It was pretty generic. I wanted to do something more. So I have decided to participate in Project IF. Resolve and The Stirrup Queens Blog Roll put together a list of 'IF' statements and are asking bloggers to expand upon one of the statements in their blog. Here is mine:

What if I leave this job, with its amazing health insurance that covers everything IF-related, and my new job doesn’t have insurance with good IF coverage?

I worry about this a lot. It is no secret that I am miserable at my job. Before we started IF treatments I was submitting resumes to just about anyone I could find. Then we started trying to conceive. The first time I went to my RE's office for a consultation I thought I wouldn't have any coverage. In Pennsylvania there is no state mandated infertility coverage, so there was no reason to think I would have coverage. Then when I went to check out, expecting a huge bill. I found out I only had to pay a $20 co-pay. It turns out the headquarters for the company I work for are based in Maryland, which does have state mandated infertility coverage. I was so relieved I almost started crying, again, right there in the lobby of the RE's office. I found out that 100% of diagnostics, 6 IUIs, and 3 IVFs would be covered by my insurance. It was such a surprise, and one of the best surprises I have ever gotten.

But it also had its downside. I can't leave my job. It would take years for us to save up enough money to even afford the medications involved in an injectable IUI cycle, let alone IVF. But if I leave my job we would either have to stop and save for a few years, or take out a loan to cover one or two cycles. Anyone who has ever had trouble getting pregnant knows that when you want to start your family waiting is one of the hardest things.

So I have to stay at a job that I dread going to everyday. When I wake up the thing I look forward to the least is walking in the door to my place of employment. I should be dreading the chores I have piling up, or that day's workout, not work. It has always been my dream to write and direct children's television. I have to put my dreams on hold so that I have a chance at getting pregnant. It makes me even more afraid of the future. Even after I get pregnant (please, please, please), what if I want a second child? What if I can't find a job once I get pregnant? What if I am stuck at a job that makes me miserable for the rest of my life. What if PA never gets mandated infertility coverage?

This is a look at just one of the many 'IF' questions that runs through my head on a daily basis. If you are interested in learning more abour infertility awareness or NIAW please visit oe And if you want to see more 'IF' questions and get a peek into the mind of an infertile check out the list of 'IF' questions at

The last part of the project is to end my post with a new positive IF question.

What IF going through all this pain will make me appreciate my children even more than I already would have?

1 comment:

  1. I understand this, the stress of a jb you hate just feeds into the hate you have for your infertility. Plus when you're looking at the kind of coverage you have (I also live in PA, but we work in NJ...State mandated...but nothing was covered because we are self funded...AGGG!) it's hard to look away. I get leave would literally be leaving your chance to have a baby without financial "stuff" and this would soften the "hating the job" stuff.

    I am just hoping that your dream comes true soon, that you don't have to wait too much longer for your dream to come true.

    thanks for sharing. It was a really nice post.