Little Emotional Today...

I did not expect father's day to be this hard. I didn't have a huge problem with Mother's Day because I just stayed focused on my Mom and no one at work that day was a Mom. But today coming to work is hard. One of the guys here has an 8 month old baby boy. His wife gave him a white polo shirt with these two blue baby foots prints on the chest (like where the izods alligator would go).

I don't know why but seeing that shirt made me so sad. I almost started crying when he walked in and was telling our other co-worker about it, he was just beaming. I want to see my hubs like that in the worst way. I want to make stupid presents for Father's Day, and see him be all proud. As hard as it is to think about possibly never being a Mom, thinking about G never being a Dad is even harder. He will be such a fantastic Dad. Just today he was making my baby nephew laugh like crazy by doing a zombie impression. I just want him to be able to do that with our kids.

Holy crap, could it be?

Could I be ovulating on my own, with no medical help at all? Some signs point to yes. I have been contemplating going to get some Ovulation Predictor Kits because I have been feeling twitches in the ovarian area for a couple days now. But then I thought it might just be gas too, because when I have Crohn's related pain it is in the same basic area.

But then today I went to the bathroom and I had EWCM!!! Just a tiny little bit, but unmistakable. For those who don't know (all two or three of you) EWCM is egg white cervical mucus. Basically it is when you have a discharge that looks like egg whites. It is one of the signs that you are approaching ovulation, and it helps protect sperm on it's way to the egg. I haven't had EWCM ever that I can remember, other than once with my last IUI cycle.

I am not counting my eggs before they ovulate though. I still have no clue if anything real is going on in there. Plus, we did three IUIs that were perfect on paper. Had a strong follie, great sperm count, timing was good. And obviously I still didn't get PG. But I am definitely going to get some OPKs today. And if it turns out I am ovulating on my own, you can be sure I will be seducing The Hubs this weekend, I don't care how tired he is. If there is even the slightest of chances I will give it a shot.

A Week of Annoyances

So what was supposed to be a week filled with fun and relaxation turned into a very traumatic and emotional week spent in my car.

It started off well though. I met up with some of my fellow infertiles Saturday and it was great. So much fun talking to girls who have been where you are, who get it 100%, and to top it off are freaking amazing in ways having nothing to do with their IF troubles.

Unfortunately it was pretty much all down hill from there. I haven't been able to stop talking about our new puppy addition to the family for weeks now. We finally got to go pick her up and something happened that I never even thought about. Our dog Wallace decided he didn't want another puppy around and attacked her. Twice. I thought maybe he had been stressed from all the time in the car, we spent a total of 30 hours in the car over the coarse of the week. Maybe once we got in our own house and worked with him a little he would get over it. Not so much. While the Hubs and I were taking all three of the dogs on a walk Wallace lunged for her. I pretty much decided at that moment that we couldn't keep Penny. But Hubs and I still sat down to have an extremely sucky conversation about what to do. We ended deciding it would be best (and safest) if we took Penny back to the rescue and got Wallace enrolled in some behavior training classes.

Now this is the first time I have ever seen an iota of meanness in Wallace. He is a big sweet fluffy puppy. OK 'big' may be a slight understatement. He does weigh 106 pounds. But he has never been mean to another person, dog, or cat in his two year life. Squirrels are another story. So this had me pretty freaked out. What would happen when we bring a baby home? Would he react the same way? How can I trust him now when other people and animals come into our house? As a result of all of this we are going to be working double time to try and figure out what caused him to act this way towards Penny and how we can avoid it from happening again. I think for the foreseeable future we are going to stick to being a two dog family though. Don't worry about Penny, she is being adopted by her extraordinarily awesome foster mom. I think this is the best thing that could have happened to her, because her Mom is the best, and I get to keep up with how she is doing through Facebook.

On top of all of the puppy drama, I just found out my oldest sister may also have Crohn's Disease. Seriously I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy. I hate it, and my future often seems really scary because I can't predict what new and interesting way my body is going to betray me down the line. Knowing that my sister may have to go through everything I went through is a hard pill to swallow. Thankfully, I will be able to help her if it turns out she does have Crohn's. She is still waiting on some tests to see if it is Crohn's or possibly Celiac's, or some other random disease. But hey maybe if she does have it we can have tele-dates at our remicade appointments.

On a good news front, the hubs put in his three weeks notice at his job!!!! He will be starting his new and exciting career in the beginning of July. I can't wait for him to only be working 40 hours a week again. I feel like I never get to see him,even though we live and work together. It will be seriously weird not having him at work with me everyday anymore, but I know this career change is going to make him so much happier. And really his happiness (and mine) is my #1 priority.

Ick...

Ugh, I have been fighting a cold for about a week now, and it sucks! I am a huge wimp when it comes to things like being sick. But this cold could not have come at a worse time. I was right on the edge of losing 15 pounds, but since I can't breathe right now I can't exactly work out, so I am stalled at 13 for now. I am kinda proud that I haven't made a pig of myself since I have been sick though. Normally I would be sitting on the couch drowning my sick sorrows in ice cream and ramen noodle.

I am going to be doing an insane amount of driving this weekend. I am driving to visit my Aunt 6 hours away on Friday, then coming back Sunday night and driving 6 hours the opposite direction to pick up our new puppy on Monday. Feeling like crud is not going to help with the whole non-stop driving thing.

In the more bad news front, it is looking like the wedding I did a cupcake tasting for is not going to work out in my favor. After the last round of samples I emailed the bride to see how everything was and she said the cupcakes tasted great, and she had one more tasting and then would get back to me. It's been over two weeks and I haven't heard anything, so I am assuming I didn't get it. I am pretty disappointed, I thought I had it locked up considering I offered them half of what cupcakes normally cost for a wedding since I am so new at this. Oh well, I guess that is two vacation days I can use for something else.

I am hoping my hubby is going to be able to put in his two weeks notice at his current job in the next couple weeks. In between his training for the new job and work and trying to get time in with our various families and friends I feel like I never see him. I am so ready for this whole thing to but solidified and for him to be working one job again. Unfortunately the start date keeps changing for the new job. A lot of when it starts relies on the State government, and right now they are dragging their feet big time. It is very frustrating. For him too, I know he is miserable at the current job and just wants to be able to get away from there.

I hate having so much stuff just up in the air.

Another milestone!

I was getting ready for work this afternoon and staring at the pile of jeans in my closet that I haven't been able to fit into in ages, and figured screw it I will try them on. They fit! I was so excited I ran downstairs in my jeans and a bra to show my hubby. Not only do they fit, but there is a little wiggle run around the waist and hips too! I can't remember the last time these jeans fit well enough for me to wear them to work!

This couldn't have come at a better time. I was getting so down on myself about how slow my weight loss was going. But this has renewed my determination! I am going to keep losing weight so I can have my babies, and I am going to save my current jeans to wear as maternity jeans damn it!

I Have Been a Bad Blogger

Stuff has been weirdly busy as of late, and yet I feel like nothing is happening. I haven't been blogging as much because I feel like I have nothing of real interest to talk about.

I am working out like a maniac and eating healthier than I ever have before. Thanks to all that I am down 12 pounds. I am very proud of my progress and am hoping I can keep it up. If I keep losing at this rate I may be able to start IVF by September. I am doing pretty well with the couch to 5k program. I have been doing it for three weeks, and yet I am still on the week 1 workout. Hey, before this the only thing I ran for was the last cupcake, so it is no surprise that my body wasn't ready to run for even 60 seconds at a time. I am hoping I will be able to do the whole week1 workout without stopping tomorrow for the first time. Then after another week of doing week 1 I will start week 2. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I was in a little bit of a panic this week because we were having trouble getting someone to do our home study for the new puppy. That is what happens when you are adopting a puppy two states away. But I finally got a hold of the local Humane Society, and they graciously agreed to do our home study and pass on the results to the rescue we are getting Penny from. Thankfully her foster mommy is posting tons of pics on facebook for me to ohh and ahh over. And since I know everyone loves a cute puppy here is one of my favorite pics of little Penny. Seriously, isn't she just the cutest thing ever? It will be very interesting to see how our two dogs react to the new arrival.

Other than that everything is seriously boring right now. It feels so weird to not be doing fertility treatments. It was nice at first, but now I just feel like I am wasting time. I feel like I should be driving an hour to the RE's office twice a week and analyzing everything my body does. But instead I feel like I am just doing nothing. I have been trying to bring up the idea of adoption with my hubby occasionally. I would really love to adopt even if we do have bio kids, but he isn't completely sold on the idea. He is afraid adopted kids would resent him or that he wouldn't be able to love an adopted child as much. But through lots of discussions I think he is starting to warm to the idea. We are still a long way off from making that decision, but it is nice to know that he is keeping a semi-open mind.

Ten Pounds, Cupcakes, and Puppies... Oh My!

First and fore most, losing weight update! So far I have lost ten pounds. I am very proud of this and really hope I can keep it going. Mostly it has been through diet control, but recently I have started working out A LOT more. I started doing the couch to 5k program. It is a nine week training program to go from not running at all to running a 5k (3 miles). I just finished week 1 and lost 3 pounds in that week. I am going to repeat week 1 because I am not able to do all the running intervals yet. But that is OK, it's not like I have to finish the program in nine weeks. So I do that three times a week, and strength train three times a week, and then I walk 3 miles on the days that I don't do the 5k program. Needless to say my feet and legs are KILLING me. I actually am going to an orthopedist tomorrow to make sure I am not doing any real damage to my knees or shins.

Cupcake Update: I am doing another tasting with the bride on Tuesday,so tomorrow I am making Red Velvet, Carrot Cake and Strawberry Daiquiri cupcakes. I will post pics and recipes for all of them tomorrow.

And Finally, Puppy update!!!!! I am getting a new puppy. Some may say I am nuts (well most of my family and friends). But I am sooooo excited. She is a Great Pyrenees and ? mix. She is freaking adorable, as you can see from her picture. For those that don't know I already have two dogs, a Basset Hound (Watson) and a Great Pyr / St. Bernard mix (Wallace). Watson is getting up there in the years and starting to slow down and get some aches and pains. Wallace is only 2 and still acts like a puppy so I decided it would be good to adopt a puppy for Wallace to play with so Watson can get some peace. Also, I just love being surrounded by animals. I have been very down lately, kinda just plodding along day-by-day through my workout/diet/work routine. My husband was VERY hesitant at first about getting a third dog. But I worked my magic and he agreed. He said that this is the happiest he has seen me in weeks.

The puppy's name right now is Bessie, but we may change it to Penny. See we have a theme going with dog names. They are the side-kicks to detectives. Watson is Sherlock Holmes's side-kick and Wallace is Veronica Mars's side-kick. Penny is Inspector Gadget's side-kick. We are still debating that though. Bessie/Penny is being fostered in Indianapolis by a friend of mine that I met in a discussion group about fertility stuff. The plan is for my hubby and I to meet them half way and pick up the puppy and have lunch. Hopefully this will all go down the last week in May. I am so excited!!! I can't wait to start buying cute little pick collars for my first girl puppy!

So that is the update in my life for now.