Update!

Ok, lots of good news, so lets get started.

First, I hit my goal of being under 300 pounds by my IVF consult. I am at exactly 299 now, which puts my total weight loss from this time last year at 50 pounds. To say I am proud of myself is an understatement. I have never stuck with a weight loss regimen this long before. I hit two plateaus in that time, and yet I stuck with it and got the help I needed and I am almost to the final goal. The ultimate goal is 287, which will be an exact BMI of 40, but I have decided I am taking it a little further. I want a little extra wiggle room in there, so I want to be down to 284 (or less if I can) by the time I start stims for IVF.

Now on to the really good news. Everything at my IVF consult yesterday went perfectly. I had the meeting with the IVF nurse/coordinator. When we walked back to her office and sat down the first thing she asked was "How much have you lost so far?" When I said 45 since April and 50 since last January her jaw was on the floor. She asked if I did anything other than diet and exercise and was especially impressed when I said nope, just diet and exercise. She told me repeatedly how proud she was of me. This is one of those times I am so happy I go to a small clinic. I haven't seen this nurse since September, and yet she remembers my story and what we are doing without even having to look in my folder. It makes me feel like more than just a number on a file.

So we dove right in and I asked her all 26 of the questions I had typed up and brought with me, and the hubs asked his 1 question (can he drink before the IVF or should he stop completely?). But basically, she thinks we have a good chance of this working given how hard I have worked and that I have been doing the weight loss in a healthy way. They have a group of women starting in the beginning of February, but since I still want to lose about 15 pounds we decided I would wait until March to start our first IVF cycle.

In the mean time we are going to get all the initial IVF testing out of the way. I have the sonohysterogram (SHG) this Friday, the purpose of the SHG is make sure the structure of the uterus is ok, no polyps or fibroids or anything in there. Then next Monday I go in for the trial transfer, it is basically just a practice run at the embryo transfer. Apparently they map out the uterus and the RE will decide exactly where he wants to aim the embryo(s) at transfer. We'll also get more blood work done, another semen analysis for hubby, and an appointment just to go over and sign the consent forms.

I am also starting Birth Control Pills today. It seems so counter-intuitive to go on birth control to get pregnant, but they have to suppression the ovaries before they can bring them back up with the hormones.

So that is the gist of things. I am so insanely excited I really can't accurately describe it. Even if the first one doesn't work, through this process we will at lest hopefully get more answers about why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. But I won't lie, I am convinced the first one will work. When I say that, keep in mind that I thought every single IUI was going to work, and we all know how those turned out. So the count down is on, a little over a month and a half to starting stims for our first IVF!

Ugh and Ick....

My two least favorite weeks are going to line up this month. The last week before my Remicade infusion, and the week of my period my period. The last week before my next Remicade infusion (which I get every 8 weeks) is one of my least favorite weeks. I always feel off during that last week. There are a lot more last minute dashes to the bathroom. More heartburn, more 'am I really, really hungry or a little nauseous?' More strictly limiting how much dairy I take in because it can cause a serious problem.

My other least favorite week is the week my period comes every month. I get horrible bloating and back pain for the day before and first two days of Aunt Flow's monthly visit. I literally gain 2-3 pounds of pure bloat weight on those days. And it is a struggle to get off the couch and go to work because my back is in so much pain. When I was in high school I would stay home from school on those 2-3 days because sitting up in class for six hours a day was impossible. No wonder I got straight C's in school, I spent half my year out sick with PMS. I also start getting even more emotional than I already am, I have literally cried after watching three commercials today. She probably won't show her face till this weekend, but I can feel her approach like dogs can feel an earthquake before it starts.

When these two weeks happen line up everybody better watch out. Because I am one emotional, bloated, bitchy, nauseous, chick in pain and running for the bathroom. Thankfully by Thursday of next week it will all be over. I like to think that Auntie Flow tries to make it up to me by giving me a blissfully short period. Four days at the most, and by the second day everything usually evens out and starts to taper off. And Wednesday I will go sit in the plastic recliners at my GI's office and get pumped full of that miracle drug I like to call Remicade. So by Thursday I will back to my slightly less emotional self.

I LOVE my Dietitian

No. Really. I love her. I have been to dietitians before (once in college, once after college) and they have always told me things I already knew: portion control, calorie control, exercise, blah blah blah. But since my insurance covers it I decided what the hell, I'll give it another try. So glad I did. In the two weeks since I started seeing her I have lost 5 pounds. Five! Before that I had been in a standstill for almost two months! So now I have about 11 pounds to go and 50 pounds total I have lost since last January.

I am hoping I can drop three more before my next appointment with the RE on the 11th. She said it is do-able, and gave me lots of tips to make sure I am as low as I can healthily be at the appointment. Stuff like restricting sodium starting two days before the appointment and really pushing liquids. She hasn't done anything amazingly crazy to my diet. We rearranged my calories a little so I get more in the morning and a little less in the evening. I have cut out ALL coffee, not just Starbucks. And we upped my protein a lot, I really wasn't getting anywhere near enough before.

She has even started talking about what we will do when I do get pregnant. We are talking about putting me on the diabetic diet straight off the bat since my Mom had gestational diabetes with all of us. If I can avoid the whole GD train I am all for it. But I just love that she isn't just thinking about what is going to get me this goal, she is thinking about where we go once I get there.

It doesn't hurt that she also has the exact same sense of humor as me, and started dropping f-bombs left and right after I did. She also does this funny thing where she randomly picks up her calculator and taps numbers furiously into, writes whatever she got down and then goes on talking like she never did anything, and never references what she was calculating. I find it hilarious!

I am feeling more and more optimistic about the IVF consult with my RE. I literally can not wait to walk in and get weighed so he can see how hard I have been working. The next 12 days can not go fast enough!

Finally... Cookie Recipes

It took longer for me to put these up than I wanted. Sorry about that, but it felt like I was racing back and forth from my parent's house to mine all week. So finally, here are the Christmas cookie recipes I made last week. Only two this time, most years I make five or more different kinda of cookies. But this year everything was just too crazy so I didn't have time.

First up is the teaser cookie I showed you in the last post.

Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tpsn vanilla extract
2 eggs
1 bag chocolate chips (I like Ghirardelli best)
1 cup toffee peices

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir flour, sbaking soda, and salt together and set aside.

Beat butter with the sugars until creamy. Add vanilla and eggs one at a time. Mix on low until everything is incorporated.

Gradually blend flour micture into creamed mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and toffee. Drop by the tablespoon (I use a small ice cream scoop) onto a cookie pan. Bake for 9 mintues or until the cookies are still slightly under done in the middle (that is how I like them anyway). Cool and enjoy with a glass of milk.

And now, my favorite...

Chocolate Peppermint Chocolate Chunk Cookies
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp peppermint extract
1 bag (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chunks

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat chopped chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl in 20-second increments, stirring in between, until almost melted; do not overheat.

In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.

In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, brown sugar, peppermint extract and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; beat in melted chocolate. Mix in flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks.

Drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 to 3 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are shiny and crackly yet soft in centers, 10 to 15 minutes.

And now for some rndom Christmas goodies




There is a long and painful story behing these crepes. I love crepes. I love making crepes. It is very zen. You drop the batter in the pain and roll it around till it covers the whole bottom. Then you flip it, and cook the other side for just a second ot two and slide it onto a plate.

The Treatment Train

I am very very anxious to hop back on the treatment train. I hate not being able to do anything fertility related. I see all my left over meds in my crisper drawer and it just makes me so impatient. I want to inject myself with fertility meds damn it! Bring on the Ganirlex and Gonal F, hell even the Lupron that I am allergic to. Anything. Just so I am not standing still anymore.

I have an appointment with my wonderful RE in two weeks. It is just a consultation. I keep having this fantasy about going to the office, which I know is an odd thing to fantasize about. Here is how it goes: I walk into his office and sit down. We start chatting about how I have been since my last cycle (can't even remember when that was now). Then we start talking about testing that needs to be done and the protocol he wants to put me on. Then he looks in my chart and says how awesome he thinks it is that I have lost over 40 pounds since April, and screw the last ten pounds, let's start this IVF next cycle! God that would be awesome. I know it won't happen, but a girl can dream.

The new plan my nutritionist has me on seems to be working. I have lost a pound an a half in the past week, which is great. I miss my Starbucks, but I will live. I still need to get to the gym more often. I took two weeks off from the gym, and since going back I have only been able to go every other day. Hopefully after the holidays I will be able to start going everyday again.

Now, I believe I promised some baked goodness. So here is just a teaser, I will post the recipe as my Christmas Eve present to my followers (all 36 of you). So here is your tease:

Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies

M.I.A.

I know, I know... I have been seriously M.I.A. lately. It is amazing how I can go from looking for things to keep me busy and my mind off all things fertility and baby related, to wishing everything would slow down and stop piling on top of me. Work has been nuts as usual. I really wish I could leave and find a less stressful job (one where.. gasp.. I might be appreciated at). Damn awesome insurance preventing me from leaving.

So here is the update: Nothing New.

I am still stuck in this damn plateau. I have been in the same 2 pound range for almost two months now. I finally broke down and made an appointment with a nutritionist. I thought it would be the same old thing I have heard from every diet/doctor I have talked to in the past. Portion control, cut out the sugars and carbs, blah blah blah. But she was actually awesome and had some great tips. She thinks I am right on with my calorie intake, but we need to mix it up a little and re-distribute the calories throughout the day. She also said I am not eating near enough protein. So she gave me a basic outline of a meal plan, and told me to cut it out with all the Starbucks. Which I already knew, and I suppose I will have to cut out the caffeine when I get pregnant (notice I am saying 'when' and not 'if' now). So I am switching to green tea instead of my daily grande non-fat peppermint mochas. More than anything though this appointment has gotten me excited about trying to lose weight again. After the first 40 pounds I was kinda just tired, and then with things stalling I was frustrated. But I am starting to feel that old motivational push again.

I also went and talked to an acupuncturist, and I think I will be starting treatments with him every other week in January. I am both excited and nervous about being stuck with dozens of needles.

Also I have decided I am getting this IVF bus rolling. Screw the last 15 pounds, I set up a consult with my RE to talk about our IVF options. I want to know specifics. What protocol will we try first, are we going to do ICSI, what testing do I need done before we start? And I want to get all the tests done before I hit my goal. that way as soon as I see those magic numbers on the scale we can just start jabbing me with needles and get those follies growing damn it! I am ready! I am sick of getting passed by people who have been married half as long as we have!

So I guess that is a little more than nothing new. Expect lots and lots of baking coming up. I am making a birthday cake for my hubby today (a skull cake no less) and I have just crap loads of Christmas baking to do. With any luck things are starting to seriously look up around here.

Gym Characters....

I hate the gym. This is no secret. But I go because I need to. One thing I do love about going to my gym are the random crazy, crazy people I encounter there. Here, for your reading pleasure, are my favorite characters at the gym.

Crazy Zumba Girl: I think there is probably one of these girls in every Zumba, Step, Body Jam/Pump/Combat class in every city. But I may be wrong. She usually shows up to class with a full face of make-up and hair piled high and hair-sprayed into a vaguely helmet like shape. She is wearing head to toe Zumba gear. She is not the instructor. She yells energetically at odd points in songs. She improvises some of her own moves, including adding spins, twirls and, most importantly, spirit fingers. In some respects I wish I was like her. She dances in class like she doesn't have a care in the world, and yet somehow doesn't sweat. I sweat in the warm up songs. She makes class more interesting. When I am ready to drop from exhaustion, I just think 'hey, the crazy Zumba girl probably spent an hour doing her hair and make-up before coming to class and she is still going, all you did is roll out of bed, so you can do it too."

Crazy Walking Dude: This is my favorite of the guys at my gym. He always comes wearing khaki cargo shorts and black socks pulled up to his knees, and a random band t-shirt. All I have ever seen him do is walk on the tread mill. But the most interesting thing about him is the way he walks on the treadmill. He starts off at a slow pace (maybe 2.5mph) and he takes huge strides, lifting his knee almost to his chin as he takes a step. He pumps his arms in really wide sweeping motion, almost like he is going to lose control of them and they will start spinning in circles at any moment. Then just when you think he can't be any weirder, he turns around and skips backwards on the treadmill. Don't ask me how he is able to do this, I can barely run forwards without tripping over my own feet. And this whole time he has the biggest smile on his face. He kinda reminds me of a tiny Charlie Chaplin.

Ballet Guy: I love this guy. I get so excited when I get to the gym and he walks in after me. He does an entire 30 minute ballet stretching routine right in front of his treadmill. We are talking plies, extensions, and arabesques. It would be quite beautiful if he didn't wear holey yoga pants and tie dyed t-shirts everyday. Then after his thirty minutes of stretches he does exactly 10 minutes of jazz running on the treadmill. Then another ten minutes of stretching and then he leaves. Awesome.

The Diva: I will never understand this woman. And there are actually a lot of them at my gym. She comes in wearing full make-up, hair blown into a perfect do, huge shiny jewelry on every ear, finger, neck and wrist available. It must take a feat of strength I will never possess to just walk into the gym being weighed down by all the bling she has on. And then she proceeds to do nothing but sashay on the treadmill. That is the only way I can describe it. It looks like she is modeling the highest fashions in Paris, not sporting yoga pants and a tank top (admittedly they are probably the highest priced yoga pants available). Then another diva will walk up, and they will both stop and gossip for most of my workout. Someday I am going to turn off my music and just try and eavesdrop on their conversations. Then after they have talked for a while, she will start her treadmill back up and sashay for a few more minutes before calling it a day.

In addition to the characters I just described I am also a big fan of: daisy dukes girl, denim guy, the super muscle bound roid ragin' guys in the weight room, and the reason why I try and avoid the locker room if I can help it) the old ladies who walk around the locker room butt naked.

I hope there is not some other blogger out there somewhere writing about the gross sweaty, overweight girl in the cupcake t-shirt stumbling along on the treadmill. I mean really who does she think she is fooling?