Moving On....

In the Infertility community there is a divide between women who are pro-pee on a stick and those anti-pee on a stick. I fall firmly into the pro column. I understand the the anti chicks, because honestly seeing those 5 negative pee sticks sucked the big one. But it helps me get past it a little faster.

I started testing way too early at 7dp3dt and when I saw the first negative HPT I just told myself it was too early and held on to the hope. When I saw the single line on Monday I thought "Wow that sucks, but it could still be early" and I cried a little because of the fear of another negative. The next day when it was still stark white I knew that it was done, but I still held a little nugget of hope for Wednesday. Then after the last pee stick yielded yet another BFN I had my complete melt down. We are talking sobbing, getting angry at Garry for no reason, not wanting to move despair. I need that time to be completely and totally depressed over the situation we find ourselves in. By the time I got the call from my nurse on Thursday I was in steely determination mode.

Now almost a week after that first HPT and two weeks after the failed transfer I have accepted it and I am moving on. It sucks, and I still get a little choked up ocasionally, but now it is all about What next. I am researching like a mad woman so I will be armed with information and questions when I go talk to the RE in a week and a half. I don't believe in doing what your doctor says without question. Not after the Summer of Crohn's. I learned then that if you don't fight for your health, no one will. I research every single drug I go on, and every single procedure that a doctor suggests. My fertility is no different.

So in the next week I will be compiling a list of things I am interested in trying as far as medications, timing, protocols etc. And I will bring every one of them up with Dr. F. And if I don't like his answers I will go some where else. I love Dr. F and his office, but this is my family we are talking about. And I plan on acting like a spoiled toddler, not resting until I get my way.