Saturday, April 2, 2011

Moving On....

In the Infertility community there is a divide between women who are pro-pee on a stick and those anti-pee on a stick. I fall firmly into the pro column. I understand the the anti chicks, because honestly seeing those 5 negative pee sticks sucked the big one. But it helps me get past it a little faster.

I started testing way too early at 7dp3dt and when I saw the first negative HPT I just told myself it was too early and held on to the hope. When I saw the single line on Monday I thought "Wow that sucks, but it could still be early" and I cried a little because of the fear of another negative. The next day when it was still stark white I knew that it was done, but I still held a little nugget of hope for Wednesday. Then after the last pee stick yielded yet another BFN I had my complete melt down. We are talking sobbing, getting angry at Garry for no reason, not wanting to move despair. I need that time to be completely and totally depressed over the situation we find ourselves in. By the time I got the call from my nurse on Thursday I was in steely determination mode.

Now almost a week after that first HPT and two weeks after the failed transfer I have accepted it and I am moving on. It sucks, and I still get a little choked up ocasionally, but now it is all about What next. I am researching like a mad woman so I will be armed with information and questions when I go talk to the RE in a week and a half. I don't believe in doing what your doctor says without question. Not after the Summer of Crohn's. I learned then that if you don't fight for your health, no one will. I research every single drug I go on, and every single procedure that a doctor suggests. My fertility is no different.

So in the next week I will be compiling a list of things I am interested in trying as far as medications, timing, protocols etc. And I will bring every one of them up with Dr. F. And if I don't like his answers I will go some where else. I love Dr. F and his office, but this is my family we are talking about. And I plan on acting like a spoiled toddler, not resting until I get my way.


  1. I totally agree with your assessment that "this is my family we are talking about. And I plan on acting like a spoiled toddler, not resting until I get my way". For the amount of $ we fork over for IF tx (even those of us with some coverage) I think it's to be expected.

  2. I am NOT making light of your situation. But I felt compelled to share this with you:!5787031/doctors-discover-clowns-can-help-you-get-pregnant

  3. Laura I have actually seen that before! Hey at this point I'll give it a shot. Maybe I can get Garry to dress up for our next transfer. Except clowns scare the bejeezus out of me.

  4. Hello,

    We loved your entry last year for the "What IF" Blog Challenge. So, we wanted to make sure you knew about the new RESOLVE Blog Challenge! We hope that you will submit a new blog about the biggest infertility myth and how has it effected your life or the life of your friends and family members. Bloggers who submit their blog during the National Infertility Awareness Week (April 24-April 30) will be eligible to win the RESOLVE Hope Award for Best Blog. Please click here for details:

    Thank you,
    Marnee Beck
    RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association