Saturday, April 9, 2011

Going Public...

I am thinking about coming out of the infertility closet. It isn't a huge secret, and I am sure there are lots of people that have their suspicions. After all, I used to talk non-stop about how many kids Garry and I would have and when we would have them. Ahhh the optimism I had pre-infertility. So I am sure there are some people that have put two and two together and saw that it added up to zero kids.

But recently I have started thinking that it is a waste of energy to try and keep it secret at all. This journey is such a huge part of my life, and outside of my family and a few close friends, I pretty much pretend like it doesn't exist. So I am debating whether or not I should take this blog public, as in Facebook public. I am contemplating posting the blog on Facebook as part of National Infertility Awareness Week (4/24-30). Last year there were a few ladies that had status updates everyday of NIAW and I so wished I was brave enough to do that.

The end of this part of the journey seems to be looming closer and closer. Baby or not, we will be done with treatments in 2011. Either one of the next two IVFs will work, or we will be living child-free until we come to an agreement about adoption. If that happens no one in my life will really know. They will all think we just don't want kids. For some reason that thought just rubs me the wrong way. I want people to know that we longed for children, suffered for them, and may never have them. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this right now, but I do. Obviously I have to discuss it with Garry first. After all we share 75% of the same friends on Facebook.

This was all to say that there may be some changes coming to the blog in the next few weeks. I will have to go through and clean up the blog a little, maybe take some of the more graphic stuff out. I would also really like to organize it better, I would love to have a tool bar at the top that has all the different posts categorized into Infertility, Baking, and Crohn's posts so it is easier to navigate. But given my very poor web skills that probably won't happen.

Feel free to chime in on whether or not you think I should go public with our journey. I always love getting advice and opinions on here.


  1. I think "coming out" is a very personal decision. Respect for you and Garry's wishes has to find a balance that works for you as individuals and as a family. I can't say I've ever posted on FB, "Hey, my bum ute is broken and I can't have kids." However, people that pay any kind of attention know that we have lost at least one baby and are dealing with IF. Good luck with whatever you decide & know I'll back you up either way!

  2. Chrissy- I feel terrible. For whatever reason, I have missed your blog since the last two posts. I'm so sorry that you did not get better news. I am sure that your RE will be changing the protocol, adjusting the meds and you are on your way to a BFP. I don't know why this has to be so hard, IF sucks! IVF brought me a BFP after Depo, anovulation, clomid, IUI's, and TTC for nearly 6 years... it can happen for you too! As for going public, I don't really have any advice because I'm struggling with it as well. I think I'm headed that way, but, like you, I want to think it through some more as far as my blog (don't have FB). I wish you all the best.

  3. I am struggling with the same question! I have been feeling more and more like I want to go public, but there are always that small number of people in my life who I fear would be judgmental, mean, gossipy, etc. I have been telling people selectively, especially as they ask me about kids, but I'm still hesitant about Facebook. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide.

  4. I didn't blog when I went through 3 rounds of IVF. I didn't because blogging was not as common as it is now. I did however, journal the process.
    I'm a sharer. I share almost everything with almost everyone. It's just part of my DNA.
    In your shoes, I would make sure Garry is on board with whatever decision you decide. I would also write down or mentally outline exactly where you'll draw the line. There are some things that need to be sacred.
    Sharing can be a very healing, helpful thing. It can also be horribly heart wrenching. Be ready for all kinds of opinions and make sure that someone telling you something like "your baby isn't natural" won't bother you. You know I don't agree with that statement but it's been said to me several times when people have found out that my daughter is a byproduct of in-vitro.
    Good luck with making your decision.