Wednesday, November 3, 2010

One of them days....

I have officially plateaued. I haven't lost a single pound in the past three weeks. It is so frustrating because I am working harder than I ever have before. I am working out two hours a day, never eating more than 1800 calories a day. But it's not making a single bit of difference. I don't know what to do. If the weight loss doesn't pick back up soon I don't know when or if we will be able to do IVF. It is so depressing knowing that the reason we may never be able to have kids is because I don't have enough will power to lose a measly twenty more pounds. It's like the forty pounds I have lost so far mean nothing. And really they don't mean anything. If I can't get down to a BMI of 40 I can't do IVF, if I can't do IVF I can't have kids. Maybe someday my husband will come around to the idea of adoption, but right now he isn't open to it.

So our entire future as a family rests on me dropping twenty pounds. That is so much pressure. I know he could be happy with it just being the two of us. And I probably could be happy with that someday too. But I will always have the knowledge that I failed in the one thing I have wanted all my life. I just don't know what to do to prevent that from happening.

1 comment:

  1. Hopefully you just need to push through and it will kick back in to weight loss soon. You're prolly gaining some muscle, but that in turn will eventually burn more fat. I know how you feel though, only here you need a bmi of less than 30 for IVF...