I have officially plateaued. I haven't lost a single pound in the past three weeks. It is so frustrating because I am working harder than I ever have before. I am working out two hours a day, never eating more than 1800 calories a day. But it's not making a single bit of difference. I don't know what to do. If the weight loss doesn't pick back up soon I don't know when or if we will be able to do IVF. It is so depressing knowing that the reason we may never be able to have kids is because I don't have enough will power to lose a measly twenty more pounds. It's like the forty pounds I have lost so far mean nothing. And really they don't mean anything. If I can't get down to a BMI of 40 I can't do IVF, if I can't do IVF I can't have kids. Maybe someday my husband will come around to the idea of adoption, but right now he isn't open to it.
So our entire future as a family rests on me dropping twenty pounds. That is so much pressure. I know he could be happy with it just being the two of us. And I probably could be happy with that someday too. But I will always have the knowledge that I failed in the one thing I have wanted all my life. I just don't know what to do to prevent that from happening.