Just Relax...

It is National Infertility Awareness Week. If you are one of my Facebook friends you already know that, and have been reminded about three times a day with all my posts. Now it is time to sit down and write my official NIAW blog challenge post. The blog challenge this year is to bust an infertility myth. I decided to write about the myth that annoys me the most: Just relax and you will get pregnant.

Oh, how I wish that were true. I would love nothing more than to go on a vacation have a few Margaritas (on the rocks, with salt on the rim) go back to our hotel room, get our groove on and nine months later pop out our little souvenir. Unfortunately that isn't how it works for us, and for a lot of people just like Garry and I. For us it takes a lot of hard work, pain, and sadness.

I think a lot of people in our lives just assumed we were over reacting when we started seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist. They thought we were jumping the gun and were just impatient to have it happen. They didn't know we had been trying to get pregnant every other day for a whole year. So I would explain about the charting, the temperature taking, the inspecting of cervical mucus, the lack of any menstrual cycle for half of that year. Then they immediately decided that my uterus was just too tense. We needed to relax... take a vacation... get drunk... have you tried having sex in the back of your car? It works for teenagers!

Once you have heard these things from every close family member, friend, and coworker you start to feel ashamed and hurt. These people that you rely on for support and kindness every other day of the year now choose the hardest time in your life to give you the worst advice possible. When I was diagnosed with Crohn's four years ago no one was telling me to just relax. They all encouraged me to get more testing, try different medications. But when I tell them I can't get pregnant they insinuate it is because we are doing something wrong, we are thinking too much about it.

That isn't how it works, especially when you have gotten to the point that you are seeing an RE. Once you start doing things like Clomid, IUI, and IVF a lot of the process is taken out of your hands. Your entire reproductive system is being controlled by outside sources. Your doctor determines when you ovulate, the timing for insemination, they determine where your hormone levels should be and control them through various injections, suppositories, and patches. All you really do at that point is show up for the appointments and take the medications.

The truth is I relaxed a lot when we started seeing a fertility specialist. Finally we were getting some help, we had some hope again after a year of disappointment. An yet, a year and a half after our first IUI we still have no baby, no baby bump either. After our first IVF failed my Mom called and apologized for ever saying we needed to just relax. She realized now that we actually had something that was physically keeping us from getting pregnant. She also saw a story on Good Morning America that told of a study showing relaxation had no impact on the out come of A.R.T. It took a failed IVF and the morning news team to make her realize that this wasn't in our heads.

This is why we need more awareness. We need people to know that infertility is not a state of mind, it is a disease. If you want to learn more about infertility and the impact it has on couples and families here are two places to educate yourself http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 and http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.

Scary Stuff...

My body has decided to revolt this week. Maybe it is fed up with all the torture I inflicted on it in March, maybe it heard me talking about starting the injections again. Maybe it just hates me, who knows? But so far this week I have had one night of insane stomach upset and nausea, random vaginal bleeding that I thought was my period but turned out not to be, yesterday I found out I have a UTI (not uncommon for me, I tend to get them a lot) and I have some skin virus that is making me break out it these ugly little dry patchy rashes. Apparently the skin virus will go away on it's own, but not before it gets a little worse and makes me look like I have leprosy.

The kicker is today I have blood in my poo. This is a side of Crohn's I have never experienced before. My Crohn's symptoms usually come in the form of extreme diarrhea, stomach pain, and vomiting. So when I went to the bathroom this morning and noticed lots of blood in my stool (clinical word for poo) I started freaking a little. I went to see my fabulous GI, Dr. W (the only doctor I like more than my RE is my GI). He thinks it is just internal hemorrhoids, which aren't a big deal. I have to go get some fun suppositories from the pharmacy tomorrow and that should take care of it. But if it gets worse or doesn't go away by next Tuesday then we will have to do a Colonoscopy. Fun.

I wish I could just have a normal healthy body for once.

Reminiscing...

I am at work right now, and I should be actually doing work. But these days my brain is moving a mile a minute, and it is never about work. We all know what it is about. The thing that has been consuming my life for the past two and a half years. Getting pregnant.

I had a little scare this week, which isn't quite over yet. Thursday I thought I felt the beginnings of a Crohn's flare up coming on. I had stomach pain and I was having problems going #2. But after almost two whole days on a mostly liquid diet I am feeling much better. I have an appointment with my GI doctor on Monday just to make sure everything is ok, because I am a nervous nelly right now. I was convinced it would turn into a full blown flare and ruin our plans to start IVF in two weeks (two weeks!).

I stayed home from work yesterday to try and relax, and honestly it is hard to concentrate on anything when all you have eaten is soup and protein shakes. While I was home I started reminiscing about our journey so far. I went back and read the whole blog, except the parts involving cupcakes. That would just be self-torture.

Here are a few things that struck me during my little trip down memory lane. First: I was devastated every time a cycle failed. With all but one of my IUIs I was convinced it would work. That is how I feel about IVF too. After all, I will have actual embryos inside my uterus. That is further than we have ever come before. Sperm will meet egg one way of another. How could it not work? I try not to think about all the stories I have heard over the past few years of failed cycles despite everything being perfect. I want to stay optimistic. I want to be happy and looking forward to this, not dreading it.

Second: I don't mention my husband much. Partly because I am trying to keep a little bit of anonymity. But that isn't the whole reason. I also feel like it isn't fair to write about him when he doesn't have any input into what I say on here. Heck, he doesn't even read my blog. For those that are curious, his name is Garry and he is amazing. He is funny in a kid in a man's body kind of way. He is handsome in a lumberjack kind of way. Smarter than he will ever admit to. And he loves me more than I ever thought any single person could. He would literally do anything for me, and he has proven that over and over again in the four and half years we have been together.

Third: All considered, I think I have handled this whole thing pretty damn well. Sure I have had my share of break downs and hissy fits. But on a whole I have had more good days than bad in the past year. I have lost almost 60 pounds in ten months. That is huge for me! Garry and I have grown as a couple through all of this too. We are much better at communication now than when we started this whole journey. I remember right at the start of trying to conceive, before we knew there was a problem, I used to sneak OPKs into the bathroom to test because I was afraid it would freak him out if he knew all the dirty details. Now he has been with me while a doctor injected his sperm into my uterus, and while I was having a date with the dildo cam and had my period at the same time. There is not a single thing I can't talk to him about now. How awesome is that?

More than anything this little trip down memory lane has convinced me I am ready. For IVF. For motherhood. For whatever comes next. I can handle it, good or bad. We can handle it.

Everything is Coming Together...

I kinda can't believe it. Everything is in order for the March IVF! After a month of biting my nails all the insurance craziness is officially A-OK, I got three calls today confirming that the RE has received the authorization code, not only for this IVF, but if need be for all three IVFs. It is nice to know that if we have to do this more than once I won't have to worry about dealing with insurance any more.

I also discovered that my next Remicade infusion with be right smack in the middle of stimming. I am really happy the timing for Remicade and IVF is working out (completely coincidentally). It may not make a difference, but I feel better knowing that my Crohn's will be nice and calm and medicated during this cycle.

I am exactly 4 pounds away from my goal weight for IVF. I need to be at 287, I am currently at 291. I would like to be at 284, both for a little extra cushion in there and and because that means I will have lost exactly 60 pounds since April 2010. 7 pounds in three weeks is do-able. I got a little off track during my birthday week, but now I am back to consistently losing 2 pounds a week.

So all signs are pointing to this whole thing going off as scheduled. I am also trying to convince myself that it has to work since if it does the baby would be due the same week as Garry's birthday (yes I already figure it out, stop judging me).

Let the finger crossing commence!

Ugh and Ick....

My two least favorite weeks are going to line up this month. The last week before my Remicade infusion, and the week of my period my period. The last week before my next Remicade infusion (which I get every 8 weeks) is one of my least favorite weeks. I always feel off during that last week. There are a lot more last minute dashes to the bathroom. More heartburn, more 'am I really, really hungry or a little nauseous?' More strictly limiting how much dairy I take in because it can cause a serious problem.

My other least favorite week is the week my period comes every month. I get horrible bloating and back pain for the day before and first two days of Aunt Flow's monthly visit. I literally gain 2-3 pounds of pure bloat weight on those days. And it is a struggle to get off the couch and go to work because my back is in so much pain. When I was in high school I would stay home from school on those 2-3 days because sitting up in class for six hours a day was impossible. No wonder I got straight C's in school, I spent half my year out sick with PMS. I also start getting even more emotional than I already am, I have literally cried after watching three commercials today. She probably won't show her face till this weekend, but I can feel her approach like dogs can feel an earthquake before it starts.

When these two weeks happen line up everybody better watch out. Because I am one emotional, bloated, bitchy, nauseous, chick in pain and running for the bathroom. Thankfully by Thursday of next week it will all be over. I like to think that Auntie Flow tries to make it up to me by giving me a blissfully short period. Four days at the most, and by the second day everything usually evens out and starts to taper off. And Wednesday I will go sit in the plastic recliners at my GI's office and get pumped full of that miracle drug I like to call Remicade. So by Thursday I will back to my slightly less emotional self.

Back To Work...

I was sprung from the hospital on Sunday and since then have just been taking it easy at home. The last time I had a flare (when I first got diagnosed) I tried rushing right back to work the day after being released from the hospital. And I didn't slow down on any of my duties. As a result I ended up bouncing in and out of the hospital three or four times before I got stabilized. This time I decided I was going to take three days off at home to see how I did. So far so good. Today is my first day back at work. I get dizzy sometimes thanks to the meds and having to run around the building and being on a low residue (low-fiber) diet doesn't help either, but for the most part I am fine.

Thanks to the liquid diet and puking I lost 2 pounds while in the hospital. I was on very high doses of IV steroids while in the hospital, and I will be on them orally for at least a month, possibly two. I am very nervous about what the steroids are going to do for my weight loss efforts. Last time I was on high doses of Prednisone I wasn't actively trying to lose weight so I didn't really pay attention to that aspect of things. This time I am determined to lose this weight as quickly and safely as possible. The problem is Prednisone makes you feel ravenously hungry all. the. time. I literally feel like there is a giant empty hole in the pit of my stomach all day long, including right after I eat a meal. I am trying to eat several small meals a day to try and compensate, but so far I have had to just suck it up and deal with feeling hungry all the time.

Prednisone also makes you retain water like crazy, so I am waiting for my ankles and face to start swelling any day now. My fingers are already getting there. I expect I won't be able to wear my wedding rings for much longer which makes me very sad. I love my rings, they are perfect and my husband put so much thought into them, I hate not being able to wear them. I am going to take a before shot tonight of my face, and then after the swelling starts I will take an after shot so you can see the difference the 'roids make. Patients call it Moon Face. Everything just gets bigger and rounder, and it doesn't go away until you have been off the steroids for a few weeks.

I am anxious to see what my regular GI doctor has to say about all this happening. Dr. W is awesome (and very cute) and I know he won't mind sitting there answering all my questions, which is the sign of a good doctor in my book. The main concern is that this flare started exactly a week after my last Remicade infusion. This really shouldn't happen. Remicade has kept me in remission for the past three-four years, I have no clue why this happened now all of a sudden. I am also concerned about what we will do from here on out. Stay on remicade? Increase the frequency of infusions? Switch to another drug? I will definitely be getting a Colonoscopy in the next few weeks. That is always fun.

On a much lighter and more fun note, this weekend is the Harrisburg Cupcake Cup 2010! I am making Chai Caramel Cupcakes with Vanilla Bean Buttercream, and I will be making fondant pumpkins and leaves as decoration. I am very excited at the prospect of doing something just for fun, and I am taking that one day off of my diet so I can eat a couple cupcakes. Plus, I took the day off work for the occasion, which is always a bonus. I am going to teach my DH how to use my camera so that he can document the whole day from baking to judging, so expect a huge photo heavy post sometime next week. And of course I will post the recipe as well after the competition. Wish me Luck!

Live From the Hospital

It's your favorite Crohn's patient! That's right, since my body has decided it truly hates me it decided that the week after finding out I am not pregnant was a great time to start a Crohn's flare up. Awesome. And in typical Chrissy style, I had to do it stages. Tuesday night started the severe cramping an nausea, so I made an ER run. They pumped me full of drugs and sent me home with some nice 'roids. Flash forward to Wednesday night I am in even more pain. So much so that I can't take it. Even though I know what the ER docs will say, that the steroids haven't had enough time to work yet, to stick with them and the all liquid all the time diet and in a few days I will feel better. Ok, you sit here for the next three days feeling like someone is trying to rip your Colon out of your belly-button and then say that to me again Doc.

So just as they were discharging me Wednesday night I went to the bathroom to get changed into my clothes and promptly started throwing up everywhere. I knew it was going to happen about ten seconds before hand. Just enough time to yell to my Mom in my room to get a nurse. Can I just tell everyone how painful it is to throw up when you haven't eaten anything substantial in two days. It really and truly sucks. So the nurse rushes in, sees me puking and rushes back out to get my Dr. Once I stop throwing up long enough to come out of the bathroom he says "Ok we will admit you." Gee thanks doc. Once you start puking they have to admit you b/c they have to carefully watch your hydration levels, especially when you have been eating less than 1000 calories a day on a liquid diet.

So here I sit, in my tiny cramped hospital room, with guard rails on the sides of my bed and an IV sticking out of the crook of my elbow. I have been here so many times before it almost feels like home. Not quite though which explains why I am writing this at 2:30am. I can never sleep at night in hospitals. Don't know why. During the day no problem, night no way no how.

I have no clue how long I will be in here. Hopefully only a day or two more. There will be lots of tests and scans I am sure. More Steroids and various other drugs as well. Gaggles of doctors will troop in and out of my room through out the day and insist on poking my very tender, sore belly. And hopefully tomorrow I will get up graded to light solids. I love that I am excited about the prospect of bland chicken from the hospital.

A Week of Annoyances

So what was supposed to be a week filled with fun and relaxation turned into a very traumatic and emotional week spent in my car.

It started off well though. I met up with some of my fellow infertiles Saturday and it was great. So much fun talking to girls who have been where you are, who get it 100%, and to top it off are freaking amazing in ways having nothing to do with their IF troubles.

Unfortunately it was pretty much all down hill from there. I haven't been able to stop talking about our new puppy addition to the family for weeks now. We finally got to go pick her up and something happened that I never even thought about. Our dog Wallace decided he didn't want another puppy around and attacked her. Twice. I thought maybe he had been stressed from all the time in the car, we spent a total of 30 hours in the car over the coarse of the week. Maybe once we got in our own house and worked with him a little he would get over it. Not so much. While the Hubs and I were taking all three of the dogs on a walk Wallace lunged for her. I pretty much decided at that moment that we couldn't keep Penny. But Hubs and I still sat down to have an extremely sucky conversation about what to do. We ended deciding it would be best (and safest) if we took Penny back to the rescue and got Wallace enrolled in some behavior training classes.

Now this is the first time I have ever seen an iota of meanness in Wallace. He is a big sweet fluffy puppy. OK 'big' may be a slight understatement. He does weigh 106 pounds. But he has never been mean to another person, dog, or cat in his two year life. Squirrels are another story. So this had me pretty freaked out. What would happen when we bring a baby home? Would he react the same way? How can I trust him now when other people and animals come into our house? As a result of all of this we are going to be working double time to try and figure out what caused him to act this way towards Penny and how we can avoid it from happening again. I think for the foreseeable future we are going to stick to being a two dog family though. Don't worry about Penny, she is being adopted by her extraordinarily awesome foster mom. I think this is the best thing that could have happened to her, because her Mom is the best, and I get to keep up with how she is doing through Facebook.

On top of all of the puppy drama, I just found out my oldest sister may also have Crohn's Disease. Seriously I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy. I hate it, and my future often seems really scary because I can't predict what new and interesting way my body is going to betray me down the line. Knowing that my sister may have to go through everything I went through is a hard pill to swallow. Thankfully, I will be able to help her if it turns out she does have Crohn's. She is still waiting on some tests to see if it is Crohn's or possibly Celiac's, or some other random disease. But hey maybe if she does have it we can have tele-dates at our remicade appointments.

On a good news front, the hubs put in his three weeks notice at his job!!!! He will be starting his new and exciting career in the beginning of July. I can't wait for him to only be working 40 hours a week again. I feel like I never get to see him,even though we live and work together. It will be seriously weird not having him at work with me everyday anymore, but I know this career change is going to make him so much happier. And really his happiness (and mine) is my #1 priority.

Next Step....

Well my last home pregnancy test is gone and it was another negative. I have accepted that this didn't work. I am 13 dpIUI so it is pretty much a done deal. I am still going in on Monday for the blood test just to confirm, and I will also be doing the glucose test that day. But I know that the blood work is going to come back negative and the glucose test is going to come back normal. So onward.

After much crying this morning when I had to tell my husband that we weren't pregnant we agreed that it was best to take a break now. His schedule is insane while he is training for his new job and still working full time at the current job, so we aren't even sure he would be able to fit in more cycles until he officially changes jobs. Plus I am not one to keep trying the same thing over and over and expect different results. We need to do something new. But since Dr. F doesn't use Femara and doesn't want me to start injectables until I have lost at least 10% of my body weight we are kinda out of options for now. I am still going to schedule a consult with him so that we can talk specific BMI goals. I am not good with just lose weight and we will see. I need a goal that I can work towards and keep my eye on.

Right now my goal is to lose 40 pounds by August and then try an injectables IUI, that may change after I talk to Dr. F. Hubby's schedule should be stabilized by then so we shouldn't have any scheduling issues. If after one or two injectable cycles we are still not pregnant we will take another break to lose the remainder of the weight and move onto IVF. I am looking into going on Meridia (an appetite suppressant) to help along my weight loss. We shall see what my GI doc says about that.

So wish me luck in my new hard core weight journey. This blog is going to get a whole lot more weight and Crohn's talk and not so much fertility and baking talk. Sorry.

The Crohn's Dilemma

So I know I have been talking a lot about the fertility stuff lately and not much else. So i figured I would write a little about Crohn's today.

So the Crohn's Dilemma is what I call the fear of going out into unknown situations. The first thing I look for whenever I go anywhere is the nearest bathroom. You never know when you are going to have to race to the bathroom when you have Crohn's. So it can be a little scary when you are going to do something that you don't know when or where there will be a bathroom. This a big reason why I don't hike. Well that and I don't like hiking.

However sometimes the dilemma will strike out of no where in a very familiar place. For instance this morning I went grocery shopping to the same store I always go shopping. Right when I was rounding the corner into the dairy aisle it hit. Cramping, feeling a little feverish, the undeniable need to run to the nearest bathroom. But what do I do with my full cart of groceries, including tons of frozen veggies. Thankfully the feeling passed after a minute of standing there debating. But it hit again in the check out line. I was lucky and held it till I got home. I grabbed the milk and frozen food and raced for the door. Threw everything on the counter, let the dogs out and ran for the bathroom. I was really doubting I would make it, but crisis averted, I made it.

A day in the life....

Alrighty, so here is a day in the life of a Crohn's Patient. Today is my Remicade infusion, so let's get this party started.

8am - Rise and shine. My alarm was set for 8:30 but my dear Basset Hound Watson starts whining a little before 8am. Even though my wonderful husband gets up with them, I can't get back to sleep. I have a couple of things to do this morning before I leave for my appointment. I always pack a bag of stuff to take with me since I will be sitting in the same place for three hours. Mostly it is filled with magazines and books, some DVD's to play on my computer, my ipod (which i will probably never put on), and lots of (healthy) snacks.

9:50 - I arrive at my GI Doctor’s office. There is one room for all the Remicade patients, and one nurse, Nurse E, who takes care of us all. We can only schedule infusions on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So depending on the day I can be waiting out in the lobby for quite a while. Today it wasn’t so bad..

10:00- Nurse E comes out to get me. She is one of the nicest people I know. She always has a smile for everyone and asks me what’s going on in my life. She actually knows more about our fertility treatment issues than most of my friends. As soon as I walk in she gives me the look and says “any news?” I fill her in on the tube and ovary issues as we get my weight, blood pressure and all that fun stuff.

10:15 - The real fun begins. Time to place my IV. I have horrid veins. They are tiny and extra delicate. Nurse E calls me her problem child. So she gave it one shot on my left hand and it infiltrated right off the bat. Basically what happens when a vein infiltrates is it tears and the fluid starts filling up under the skin instead of going into your veins. I can see right away the back of my hand starting to puff up, I will most likely have wicked bruise later. Nurse E decides not to torture me and went to get the nurse that specializes in children’s veins. So we finally got it on the second try in my right hand. My record is four tries to get a good vein. That was not a good day. Now it is just a matter of sitting here and waiting for the drugs to drip into my body.

10:30 - Nurse E fills a huge syringe with the actual remicade, dose of which depends on the weight of the patient. I am not actually sure what my dosage is. She injects the Remicade right into the IV bag, and we are off. Now it is gossip time! I am usually with the same two ladies while getting my remicade, I have no clue what their names are, but they are both very nice. The conversation usually centers around our various stomach issues. Today we start off talking about my fertility treatments because one of the ladies overheard Nurse E and I talking.

11:15 - The conversation turns to our stomach issues as it always does. Since going on remicade two years ago I have been in remission for the most part. I get little tiny flares sometimes when I go overboard on fiber or really acidic foods. This poor girl who is always in at the same time as me is still having lots of diarrhea issues. Most Remicade patients get infusions every 8 weeks. She is coming every 4 weeks to try and get her symptoms under control. Technically she is in remission for the Crohn’s but now they thing she may have Irritable Bowel as well. Oy, that must suck!

11:45 - Time to turn up the meds again and get vitals again. They check blood pressure temp and heart rate once every hour to make sure you don’t have a reaction to the drugs. They also start the IV off at a very low drip and gradually work up. They do this because if they just put it wide open from the get-go than the patient would almost certainly have an allergic reaction. Some people still get the allergic reaction even with the slow build-up, these people usually get benadryl as soon as they come in and then sleep through the infusion.

12:35 - I am bored. I have read all my magazines, the other patient is asleep, Nurse E is dealing with a problem patient and her problem insurance. I have played a couple rounds of solitaire. The good news is I am now in the home stretch. My IV is wide open and the bag only has about a half hour to go.

So this was a morning in the life of a remicade patient. After my IV bag is empty I will go home and take a nap. It may sound weird but these infusions always take it out of me. Getting such high doses of medication forced into your body is exhausting. But it keeps me out of the hospital and not running for the bathroom every five minutes, so I will continue to do this every eight weeks for the rest of my life.

Welcome to my life as a not so old Crohn...

So we have covered my infertility, started to talk about baking, now I am going to tell you about my Crohn's disease. And let me tell you, it is not pleasant, so if you are eating right now or have a weak stomach, you might want to just skip this entry.

OK first the technical scientific info. Crohn's Disease is one type of a group of diseases called IBD, Inflammatory Bowel Disease. It is an inflammatory autoimmune disease. Basically Crohn's causes your immune system to attack your GI tract causing it to become inflamed.

I could go into great detail about how i got diagnosed, but this post would take an hour to read. Let's just say it took 3 months, four hospitalizations, lots and lots of vomiting, every test you can imagine that involves drinking radioactive material or shoving cameras where they really shouldn't go. And then finally i was diagnosed with Crohn's Ileitis, which basically means that the section of my bowel where the small intestine meets the large intestine gets inflamed and hence back up and vomiting.

Now normally this disease doesn't bother me much. I get IV infusions of a drug called Remicade every 8 weeks and it pretty much has kept me in remission for the past two years. Unfortunately lately I have been having some issues. I have been having some stomach pain and nausea, my GI thinks it may just be another stomach issue, perhaps related to having my gallbladder removed. But it has been getting in the way of my life this week. The past two days I have been on an almost entirely liquid diet to help avoid pain and inflammation. It is hard to do much work when you have to run to the bathroom every five minutes for obvious reasons. Hopefully the new drugs the GI doc gave me will help though.

And to add insult to injury, I have a bulging disk in my lower back. Awesome. So it hurts to do anything but lay down on a heating pad, including running to the bathroom or sitting on a toilet.

Yup, my life rocks; bad back, Crohn's disease, blocked right tube and lazy left ovary. Oy.

Hello There

My name is Chrissy, some of you may know me as thebeadinglady (hey IF ladies!). This is my first attempt at an actual blog. I had one other one, but that was more for myself. I hope this blog will actually be read by people, heck maybe even help some people.

So you may be asking yourself "Who is this Chrissy girl and why the heck should I want to read about her?"

Well I don't know why you would want to read about me (boredom?) but I can tell you who I am. I am 27, married to a wonderful man, Aunt to 9 awesome nephews and nieces, sister to two sisters and a brother, mom to two awesome dogs and a very old guinea pig, amateur baker, obsessed with cupcakes, occasional jewelry maker, DIY home renovator, TV and movie nut, and book worm. I am a dork. I am very overweight, tall, hair changes color monthly, blue eyes. I love the work I do, but am falling out of love with my actual job. I am not religious at all. I have Crohn's Disease. I am reproductively challenged.

My goal for this blog will be to just share my journey. I will write mostly about my Fertility Treatments, Crohn's Disease, and baking. But other stuff will probably creep in too. I am at the beginning of my fertility treatments, and have been dealing with Crohn's for only two and a half years, so I don't know everything yet. But that is kinda the point. I want to record the things I learn along the way. I don't know if anyone will actually read this, but to anyone that does: Welcome, get comfy, it is most likely going to be a bumping ride!