No. Really. I love her. I have been to dietitians before (once in college, once after college) and they have always told me things I already knew: portion control, calorie control, exercise, blah blah blah. But since my insurance covers it I decided what the hell, I'll give it another try. So glad I did. In the two weeks since I started seeing her I have lost 5 pounds. Five! Before that I had been in a standstill for almost two months! So now I have about 11 pounds to go and 50 pounds total I have lost since last January.
I am hoping I can drop three more before my next appointment with the RE on the 11th. She said it is do-able, and gave me lots of tips to make sure I am as low as I can healthily be at the appointment. Stuff like restricting sodium starting two days before the appointment and really pushing liquids. She hasn't done anything amazingly crazy to my diet. We rearranged my calories a little so I get more in the morning and a little less in the evening. I have cut out ALL coffee, not just Starbucks. And we upped my protein a lot, I really wasn't getting anywhere near enough before.
She has even started talking about what we will do when I do get pregnant. We are talking about putting me on the diabetic diet straight off the bat since my Mom had gestational diabetes with all of us. If I can avoid the whole GD train I am all for it. But I just love that she isn't just thinking about what is going to get me this goal, she is thinking about where we go once I get there.
It doesn't hurt that she also has the exact same sense of humor as me, and started dropping f-bombs left and right after I did. She also does this funny thing where she randomly picks up her calculator and taps numbers furiously into, writes whatever she got down and then goes on talking like she never did anything, and never references what she was calculating. I find it hilarious!
I am feeling more and more optimistic about the IVF consult with my RE. I literally can not wait to walk in and get weighed so he can see how hard I have been working. The next 12 days can not go fast enough!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Finally... Cookie Recipes
It took longer for me to put these up than I wanted. Sorry about that, but it felt like I was racing back and forth from my parent's house to mine all week. So finally, here are the Christmas cookie recipes I made last week. Only two this time, most years I make five or more different kinda of cookies. But this year everything was just too crazy so I didn't have time.
First up is the teaser cookie I showed you in the last post.
Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tpsn vanilla extract
2 eggs
1 bag chocolate chips (I like Ghirardelli best)
1 cup toffee peices
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir flour, sbaking soda, and salt together and set aside.
Beat butter with the sugars until creamy. Add vanilla and eggs one at a time. Mix on low until everything is incorporated.
Gradually blend flour micture into creamed mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and toffee. Drop by the tablespoon (I use a small ice cream scoop) onto a cookie pan. Bake for 9 mintues or until the cookies are still slightly under done in the middle (that is how I like them anyway). Cool and enjoy with a glass of milk.
And now, my favorite...
Chocolate Peppermint Chocolate Chunk Cookies
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp peppermint extract
1 bag (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chunks
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat chopped chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl in 20-second increments, stirring in between, until almost melted; do not overheat.
In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, brown sugar, peppermint extract and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; beat in melted chocolate. Mix in flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks.
Drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 to 3 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are shiny and crackly yet soft in centers, 10 to 15 minutes.
And now for some rndom Christmas goodies
There is a long and painful story behing these crepes. I love crepes. I love making crepes. It is very zen. You drop the batter in the pain and roll it around till it covers the whole bottom. Then you flip it, and cook the other side for just a second ot two and slide it onto a plate.
First up is the teaser cookie I showed you in the last post.
Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies
2 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tpsn vanilla extract
2 eggs
1 bag chocolate chips (I like Ghirardelli best)
1 cup toffee peices
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Stir flour, sbaking soda, and salt together and set aside.
Beat butter with the sugars until creamy. Add vanilla and eggs one at a time. Mix on low until everything is incorporated.
Gradually blend flour micture into creamed mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and toffee. Drop by the tablespoon (I use a small ice cream scoop) onto a cookie pan. Bake for 9 mintues or until the cookies are still slightly under done in the middle (that is how I like them anyway). Cool and enjoy with a glass of milk.
And now, my favorite...
Chocolate Peppermint Chocolate Chunk Cookies
8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
4 tbsp unsalted butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 large eggs
3/4 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp peppermint extract
1 bag (12 ounces) semisweet chocolate chunks
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Heat chopped chocolate and butter in a microwave-safe bowl in 20-second increments, stirring in between, until almost melted; do not overheat.
In another bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt.
In a mixing bowl, beat eggs, brown sugar, peppermint extract and vanilla on high speed until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low; beat in melted chocolate. Mix in flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chunks.
Drop heaping tablespoons of dough 2 to 3 inches apart onto baking sheets. Bake, rotating sheets halfway through, until cookies are shiny and crackly yet soft in centers, 10 to 15 minutes.
And now for some rndom Christmas goodies
There is a long and painful story behing these crepes. I love crepes. I love making crepes. It is very zen. You drop the batter in the pain and roll it around till it covers the whole bottom. Then you flip it, and cook the other side for just a second ot two and slide it onto a plate.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
The Treatment Train
I am very very anxious to hop back on the treatment train. I hate not being able to do anything fertility related. I see all my left over meds in my crisper drawer and it just makes me so impatient. I want to inject myself with fertility meds damn it! Bring on the Ganirlex and Gonal F, hell even the Lupron that I am allergic to. Anything. Just so I am not standing still anymore.
I have an appointment with my wonderful RE in two weeks. It is just a consultation. I keep having this fantasy about going to the office, which I know is an odd thing to fantasize about. Here is how it goes: I walk into his office and sit down. We start chatting about how I have been since my last cycle (can't even remember when that was now). Then we start talking about testing that needs to be done and the protocol he wants to put me on. Then he looks in my chart and says how awesome he thinks it is that I have lost over 40 pounds since April, and screw the last ten pounds, let's start this IVF next cycle! God that would be awesome. I know it won't happen, but a girl can dream.
The new plan my nutritionist has me on seems to be working. I have lost a pound an a half in the past week, which is great. I miss my Starbucks, but I will live. I still need to get to the gym more often. I took two weeks off from the gym, and since going back I have only been able to go every other day. Hopefully after the holidays I will be able to start going everyday again.
Now, I believe I promised some baked goodness. So here is just a teaser, I will post the recipe as my Christmas Eve present to my followers (all 36 of you). So here is your tease:
Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies
I have an appointment with my wonderful RE in two weeks. It is just a consultation. I keep having this fantasy about going to the office, which I know is an odd thing to fantasize about. Here is how it goes: I walk into his office and sit down. We start chatting about how I have been since my last cycle (can't even remember when that was now). Then we start talking about testing that needs to be done and the protocol he wants to put me on. Then he looks in my chart and says how awesome he thinks it is that I have lost over 40 pounds since April, and screw the last ten pounds, let's start this IVF next cycle! God that would be awesome. I know it won't happen, but a girl can dream.
The new plan my nutritionist has me on seems to be working. I have lost a pound an a half in the past week, which is great. I miss my Starbucks, but I will live. I still need to get to the gym more often. I took two weeks off from the gym, and since going back I have only been able to go every other day. Hopefully after the holidays I will be able to start going everyday again.
Now, I believe I promised some baked goodness. So here is just a teaser, I will post the recipe as my Christmas Eve present to my followers (all 36 of you). So here is your tease:
Chocolate Chip Toffee Cookies
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
M.I.A.
I know, I know... I have been seriously M.I.A. lately. It is amazing how I can go from looking for things to keep me busy and my mind off all things fertility and baby related, to wishing everything would slow down and stop piling on top of me. Work has been nuts as usual. I really wish I could leave and find a less stressful job (one where.. gasp.. I might be appreciated at). Damn awesome insurance preventing me from leaving.
So here is the update: Nothing New.
I am still stuck in this damn plateau. I have been in the same 2 pound range for almost two months now. I finally broke down and made an appointment with a nutritionist. I thought it would be the same old thing I have heard from every diet/doctor I have talked to in the past. Portion control, cut out the sugars and carbs, blah blah blah. But she was actually awesome and had some great tips. She thinks I am right on with my calorie intake, but we need to mix it up a little and re-distribute the calories throughout the day. She also said I am not eating near enough protein. So she gave me a basic outline of a meal plan, and told me to cut it out with all the Starbucks. Which I already knew, and I suppose I will have to cut out the caffeine when I get pregnant (notice I am saying 'when' and not 'if' now). So I am switching to green tea instead of my daily grande non-fat peppermint mochas. More than anything though this appointment has gotten me excited about trying to lose weight again. After the first 40 pounds I was kinda just tired, and then with things stalling I was frustrated. But I am starting to feel that old motivational push again.
I also went and talked to an acupuncturist, and I think I will be starting treatments with him every other week in January. I am both excited and nervous about being stuck with dozens of needles.
Also I have decided I am getting this IVF bus rolling. Screw the last 15 pounds, I set up a consult with my RE to talk about our IVF options. I want to know specifics. What protocol will we try first, are we going to do ICSI, what testing do I need done before we start? And I want to get all the tests done before I hit my goal. that way as soon as I see those magic numbers on the scale we can just start jabbing me with needles and get those follies growing damn it! I am ready! I am sick of getting passed by people who have been married half as long as we have!
So I guess that is a little more than nothing new. Expect lots and lots of baking coming up. I am making a birthday cake for my hubby today (a skull cake no less) and I have just crap loads of Christmas baking to do. With any luck things are starting to seriously look up around here.
So here is the update: Nothing New.
I am still stuck in this damn plateau. I have been in the same 2 pound range for almost two months now. I finally broke down and made an appointment with a nutritionist. I thought it would be the same old thing I have heard from every diet/doctor I have talked to in the past. Portion control, cut out the sugars and carbs, blah blah blah. But she was actually awesome and had some great tips. She thinks I am right on with my calorie intake, but we need to mix it up a little and re-distribute the calories throughout the day. She also said I am not eating near enough protein. So she gave me a basic outline of a meal plan, and told me to cut it out with all the Starbucks. Which I already knew, and I suppose I will have to cut out the caffeine when I get pregnant (notice I am saying 'when' and not 'if' now). So I am switching to green tea instead of my daily grande non-fat peppermint mochas. More than anything though this appointment has gotten me excited about trying to lose weight again. After the first 40 pounds I was kinda just tired, and then with things stalling I was frustrated. But I am starting to feel that old motivational push again.
I also went and talked to an acupuncturist, and I think I will be starting treatments with him every other week in January. I am both excited and nervous about being stuck with dozens of needles.
Also I have decided I am getting this IVF bus rolling. Screw the last 15 pounds, I set up a consult with my RE to talk about our IVF options. I want to know specifics. What protocol will we try first, are we going to do ICSI, what testing do I need done before we start? And I want to get all the tests done before I hit my goal. that way as soon as I see those magic numbers on the scale we can just start jabbing me with needles and get those follies growing damn it! I am ready! I am sick of getting passed by people who have been married half as long as we have!
So I guess that is a little more than nothing new. Expect lots and lots of baking coming up. I am making a birthday cake for my hubby today (a skull cake no less) and I have just crap loads of Christmas baking to do. With any luck things are starting to seriously look up around here.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Gym Characters....
I hate the gym. This is no secret. But I go because I need to. One thing I do love about going to my gym are the random crazy, crazy people I encounter there. Here, for your reading pleasure, are my favorite characters at the gym.
Crazy Zumba Girl: I think there is probably one of these girls in every Zumba, Step, Body Jam/Pump/Combat class in every city. But I may be wrong. She usually shows up to class with a full face of make-up and hair piled high and hair-sprayed into a vaguely helmet like shape. She is wearing head to toe Zumba gear. She is not the instructor. She yells energetically at odd points in songs. She improvises some of her own moves, including adding spins, twirls and, most importantly, spirit fingers. In some respects I wish I was like her. She dances in class like she doesn't have a care in the world, and yet somehow doesn't sweat. I sweat in the warm up songs. She makes class more interesting. When I am ready to drop from exhaustion, I just think 'hey, the crazy Zumba girl probably spent an hour doing her hair and make-up before coming to class and she is still going, all you did is roll out of bed, so you can do it too."
Crazy Walking Dude: This is my favorite of the guys at my gym. He always comes wearing khaki cargo shorts and black socks pulled up to his knees, and a random band t-shirt. All I have ever seen him do is walk on the tread mill. But the most interesting thing about him is the way he walks on the treadmill. He starts off at a slow pace (maybe 2.5mph) and he takes huge strides, lifting his knee almost to his chin as he takes a step. He pumps his arms in really wide sweeping motion, almost like he is going to lose control of them and they will start spinning in circles at any moment. Then just when you think he can't be any weirder, he turns around and skips backwards on the treadmill. Don't ask me how he is able to do this, I can barely run forwards without tripping over my own feet. And this whole time he has the biggest smile on his face. He kinda reminds me of a tiny Charlie Chaplin.
Ballet Guy: I love this guy. I get so excited when I get to the gym and he walks in after me. He does an entire 30 minute ballet stretching routine right in front of his treadmill. We are talking plies, extensions, and arabesques. It would be quite beautiful if he didn't wear holey yoga pants and tie dyed t-shirts everyday. Then after his thirty minutes of stretches he does exactly 10 minutes of jazz running on the treadmill. Then another ten minutes of stretching and then he leaves. Awesome.
The Diva: I will never understand this woman. And there are actually a lot of them at my gym. She comes in wearing full make-up, hair blown into a perfect do, huge shiny jewelry on every ear, finger, neck and wrist available. It must take a feat of strength I will never possess to just walk into the gym being weighed down by all the bling she has on. And then she proceeds to do nothing but sashay on the treadmill. That is the only way I can describe it. It looks like she is modeling the highest fashions in Paris, not sporting yoga pants and a tank top (admittedly they are probably the highest priced yoga pants available). Then another diva will walk up, and they will both stop and gossip for most of my workout. Someday I am going to turn off my music and just try and eavesdrop on their conversations. Then after they have talked for a while, she will start her treadmill back up and sashay for a few more minutes before calling it a day.
In addition to the characters I just described I am also a big fan of: daisy dukes girl, denim guy, the super muscle bound roid ragin' guys in the weight room, and the reason why I try and avoid the locker room if I can help it) the old ladies who walk around the locker room butt naked.
I hope there is not some other blogger out there somewhere writing about the gross sweaty, overweight girl in the cupcake t-shirt stumbling along on the treadmill. I mean really who does she think she is fooling?
Crazy Zumba Girl: I think there is probably one of these girls in every Zumba, Step, Body Jam/Pump/Combat class in every city. But I may be wrong. She usually shows up to class with a full face of make-up and hair piled high and hair-sprayed into a vaguely helmet like shape. She is wearing head to toe Zumba gear. She is not the instructor. She yells energetically at odd points in songs. She improvises some of her own moves, including adding spins, twirls and, most importantly, spirit fingers. In some respects I wish I was like her. She dances in class like she doesn't have a care in the world, and yet somehow doesn't sweat. I sweat in the warm up songs. She makes class more interesting. When I am ready to drop from exhaustion, I just think 'hey, the crazy Zumba girl probably spent an hour doing her hair and make-up before coming to class and she is still going, all you did is roll out of bed, so you can do it too."
Crazy Walking Dude: This is my favorite of the guys at my gym. He always comes wearing khaki cargo shorts and black socks pulled up to his knees, and a random band t-shirt. All I have ever seen him do is walk on the tread mill. But the most interesting thing about him is the way he walks on the treadmill. He starts off at a slow pace (maybe 2.5mph) and he takes huge strides, lifting his knee almost to his chin as he takes a step. He pumps his arms in really wide sweeping motion, almost like he is going to lose control of them and they will start spinning in circles at any moment. Then just when you think he can't be any weirder, he turns around and skips backwards on the treadmill. Don't ask me how he is able to do this, I can barely run forwards without tripping over my own feet. And this whole time he has the biggest smile on his face. He kinda reminds me of a tiny Charlie Chaplin.
Ballet Guy: I love this guy. I get so excited when I get to the gym and he walks in after me. He does an entire 30 minute ballet stretching routine right in front of his treadmill. We are talking plies, extensions, and arabesques. It would be quite beautiful if he didn't wear holey yoga pants and tie dyed t-shirts everyday. Then after his thirty minutes of stretches he does exactly 10 minutes of jazz running on the treadmill. Then another ten minutes of stretching and then he leaves. Awesome.
The Diva: I will never understand this woman. And there are actually a lot of them at my gym. She comes in wearing full make-up, hair blown into a perfect do, huge shiny jewelry on every ear, finger, neck and wrist available. It must take a feat of strength I will never possess to just walk into the gym being weighed down by all the bling she has on. And then she proceeds to do nothing but sashay on the treadmill. That is the only way I can describe it. It looks like she is modeling the highest fashions in Paris, not sporting yoga pants and a tank top (admittedly they are probably the highest priced yoga pants available). Then another diva will walk up, and they will both stop and gossip for most of my workout. Someday I am going to turn off my music and just try and eavesdrop on their conversations. Then after they have talked for a while, she will start her treadmill back up and sashay for a few more minutes before calling it a day.
In addition to the characters I just described I am also a big fan of: daisy dukes girl, denim guy, the super muscle bound roid ragin' guys in the weight room, and the reason why I try and avoid the locker room if I can help it) the old ladies who walk around the locker room butt naked.
I hope there is not some other blogger out there somewhere writing about the gross sweaty, overweight girl in the cupcake t-shirt stumbling along on the treadmill. I mean really who does she think she is fooling?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Feeling a little better
I am sorry my last post was such a downer. I was in a bad way that day. I am starting to feel a little better. I still haven't lost any weight in the past couple days, but a lot of friends have offered support and encouragement this week, and that helped immensely. I have a family friend who owns a gym and is very into health, she has agreed to look at my food diary for this week and come up with a plan to get me going again. I am also going to ask her to make a workout plan for me, and I may go see a personal trainer as well. I am still frustrated beyond believe, but I just have to keep reminding myself that if I power through this I will eventually start losing weight again. I can't give up and let myself go.
I have had a lot of people tell me that I am probably just gaining muscle and that is why I haven't lost weight. I am not sure I completely buy that, but even if it is true it doesn't make me feel much better. I could honestly give two sh*ts about gaining muscle. If it doesn't make the number on my scale go down, and hence my BMI go down, than I don't give a damn. I realize that probably sounds weird to those that are into the whole fitness thing, but that just isn't me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is cool seeing the difference in my body since all this started, but I was perfectly content the way I was before. If I could be fat and get pregnant (and stay pregnant) I would be ecstatic. I think it is neat that I can run for three minutes straight now, but I am not a fan of running or exercise in general. I like to go on walks with the hubs and the dogs, but other than that give me a couch and a couple books and I could stay in the same position for days on end.
With all that said, I must admit getting compliments from people on my weight loss is kinda awesome. Just this week I have had three people ask me if I have lost weight. It's nice to be able to brag about all the work I have done, even if no one knows the reason behind all this.
Enough of all that. Here is what you have to look forward to from me in the next week: BAKING! It is my nephew's 1st birthday this weekend and I am making two cakes for the occasion (one for smashing, one for eating) and I am also making cupcakes for work Sunday for a last minute party. So expect lots of pictures!
I have had a lot of people tell me that I am probably just gaining muscle and that is why I haven't lost weight. I am not sure I completely buy that, but even if it is true it doesn't make me feel much better. I could honestly give two sh*ts about gaining muscle. If it doesn't make the number on my scale go down, and hence my BMI go down, than I don't give a damn. I realize that probably sounds weird to those that are into the whole fitness thing, but that just isn't me. Don't get me wrong, I think it is cool seeing the difference in my body since all this started, but I was perfectly content the way I was before. If I could be fat and get pregnant (and stay pregnant) I would be ecstatic. I think it is neat that I can run for three minutes straight now, but I am not a fan of running or exercise in general. I like to go on walks with the hubs and the dogs, but other than that give me a couch and a couple books and I could stay in the same position for days on end.
With all that said, I must admit getting compliments from people on my weight loss is kinda awesome. Just this week I have had three people ask me if I have lost weight. It's nice to be able to brag about all the work I have done, even if no one knows the reason behind all this.
Enough of all that. Here is what you have to look forward to from me in the next week: BAKING! It is my nephew's 1st birthday this weekend and I am making two cakes for the occasion (one for smashing, one for eating) and I am also making cupcakes for work Sunday for a last minute party. So expect lots of pictures!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
One of them days....
I have officially plateaued. I haven't lost a single pound in the past three weeks. It is so frustrating because I am working harder than I ever have before. I am working out two hours a day, never eating more than 1800 calories a day. But it's not making a single bit of difference. I don't know what to do. If the weight loss doesn't pick back up soon I don't know when or if we will be able to do IVF. It is so depressing knowing that the reason we may never be able to have kids is because I don't have enough will power to lose a measly twenty more pounds. It's like the forty pounds I have lost so far mean nothing. And really they don't mean anything. If I can't get down to a BMI of 40 I can't do IVF, if I can't do IVF I can't have kids. Maybe someday my husband will come around to the idea of adoption, but right now he isn't open to it.
So our entire future as a family rests on me dropping twenty pounds. That is so much pressure. I know he could be happy with it just being the two of us. And I probably could be happy with that someday too. But I will always have the knowledge that I failed in the one thing I have wanted all my life. I just don't know what to do to prevent that from happening.
So our entire future as a family rests on me dropping twenty pounds. That is so much pressure. I know he could be happy with it just being the two of us. And I probably could be happy with that someday too. But I will always have the knowledge that I failed in the one thing I have wanted all my life. I just don't know what to do to prevent that from happening.
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